Michael Ramzy

Political Wordplay: A Primer



Posted: Thursday, January 15, 2009

by
delusionthread.com

We are only a few days away from a new administration, and so I thought I would take this opportunity to revisit some politispeak. It's hard to really understand what politicians are saying when they say something, as I'm sure everyone agrees. This must be true since we have all sorts of commentators on television to 'clarify' and 'explain'. We Americans need this since we are incapable of understanding the language of the politician. That, in itself, is probably a good thing, no?

So, without further ado, here is a quick list which hopefully will serve as a translation. In the spirit of fairness, please note this is a bipartisan list.

Politician Says This:

You've burned through 350 billion dollars! You get nothing else from us! Shame on you!

Politician Means This:

Who should I make this check out to?

Says This:

I am against this legislation because it puts an undue burden on the average American.

Means This:

I can't read everything, but I am against this legislation because my aide read the legislation and told me it was not a good idea. Or, because the other political party likes it.


Says This:

If elected I will end this war in Iraq and bring all the troops home within a year.

Means This:

If elected I will see how the military is doing and might bring a couple of troops home, but we have to leave some of them there for several years. Probably. Maybe,

Says This:

This will be an open administration.

Means This:

You don't really need to know everything, anyway. I have your best interest in mind.

Says This:

I have your best interest in mind.

Means This:

I am an opportunist and will burn you in a heartbeat if it gets me another term.

Says This:

Trust Me.

Means This:

I cannot believe you would trust a politician! Gosh, I love this job!

Says This:

I have never lied to the American people.

Means This:

I have never been caught in a lie to the American people. It might seem as though I have, but I was taken out of context.

Says This:

I was taken out of context.

Means This:

I screwed up but I'll never admit it.

Says This:

Hillary Clinton has too much baggage and is too much of a Hack to be elected.

Means This:

May I introduce the next Secretary of State?
 

I could go on, but I don't want to overwhelm you. You get the point, I am sure.

Says This:

You get the point, I am sure.

Means This:

 It's a slow news day, what did you expect?
 
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