The Things We Wonder About
Posted: Wednesday, February 11, 2009
by Michael Ramzy
delusionthread.com
We as humans are so smart, so powerful. We know so much, and with the help of our opposable th
umb we have overcome much to become what we have become. We are the top of the food chain, we believe, since we have total domination over our environment and can, at times, control the environment and habitat of other animals and species.
As such, it seems we should be smarter than we are. Sure, we're smart enough, many argue. We're even clever (or conniving, depending on the situation), yet there are so many things we should know it is almost staggering. Here is a short list, and with pretty much every list I have ever written, it should mostly be read with tongue firmly in cheek:
1) What do vegetarians feed their dogs?
This is one which no one can answer for me. I have heard rice and beans, yet I just can't see Jumbo the killer Doberman munching on that.
2) Why do people drink and drive?
This is another one I do not get. Although it is a serious subject, I wonder about the mentality of Bob or Jill drinking it up at a club and then getting behind the wheel of a vehicle. I have heard it is because alcohol affects judgement, yet when you drink and drive you decided to do that the moment you drove to that club and took that first drink.
3) Why do people smoke?
Sure, it 'relaxes' and it's the 'pause that refreshes'. The strange thing is that right there on the box of smokes it says you will die if you smoke, and people do it anyway. It might be the 'it won't happen to me' syndrome we as humans feel sometimes, but this is a strange one. And yes, it's addictive, yet as with the drinking and driving, you make a conscious choice to do it before it becomes addicting.
4) Why do we get angry when our politicians lie to us?
We know all politicians are thieves and liars, as the joke goes, and we know this even though we hope it isn't true. Like banging our head against a wall, we hope it won't hurt at least once. And yet, we keep voting for the same crowd, or at least the same mentality. Then we get mad when these politicians do exactly what we knew deep down they would do.
5) Why don't we get angry when our politicians lie to us?
This is probably due to voter apathy, or technically non-voter apathy since those who get the most angry are strangely those who don't (or refuse to) vote. We tend to think, as mentioned above, all politicians are theives and liars, so it is no surprise when it turns out to be true.
6) Why don't we know how to fly?
Sure, we all know the reason: if God had wanted us to fly He would have given us wings. But really, you would think we would have evolved into flying beasts by now since we have pretty much overrun the planet, right? Well, I don't think so either. The beasts part is probably true, though . . .
7) Why can't we talk with other animals?
I talk to my dogs all of the time, and of course they understand every word I say. But they don't really. I mean, I don't come home and have one of them say, "Hey Mike, how's it hanging?". You would think this would be a no-brainer (no pun intended), but with all of the animals on this planet you have to wonder why there is a communication gap between all of them.
8) What does 'one born every minute mean'?
This is a saying attributed to P.T. Barnum (the circus guy) who believed there was a sucker born every minute, meaning some yahoo would buy into something outrageous sixty times an hour. Actaully, not the same yahoo, but you get the point. These days it is attributed to those who buy into the government's stimulus package, or the fact Hillary Clinton will be good Secretary of State for the United States.
9) Why can't people take a good joke?
This is one which boggles my mind. Earlier today I had a great joke and as I stood in line at the supermarket I decided to try it out. The man in front of me had a dozen eggs and I caught his eye and nodded to the Express Lane sign which read '10 items or less'. I then smiled, to let him know I was joking. He shook his head and turned away, either not getting it or too involved with his own world to acknowledge great humor.
10) Does God acknowledge prayers?
This is one which very few people think of objectively, wrongly thinking God cannot possibly be thought of that way. Think of it this way: the entire endless universe is out there, and can we really believe God will stop (or pause, I should say) what He is doing to tell Timmy that yes, he will get that sled for Christmas if he's a good boy this year? I know many of us believe God refuses to listen or will only pick and choose which prayers to answer, and again it is because we don't look at it objectively. Think of it this way: you are not alone. You are not the only one praying or with wishes to fulfill or obstacles to overcome. This doesn't mean you shouldn't pray, of course. It just means you will probably not get your answer in a letter or some booming voice.
11) The world won't end in 2012, will it?
Wow, the hype on this one is really great. Of course, most of it is because of the movie coming out later this spring (2012, from the guys who brought us The Day After Tomorrow and Independence Day), yet there are some who believe the world as we know it will end on December 21, 2012. There are thousands of sites on the web about the Mayan long calendar and the planets aligning and magnetic pole shifts, yet all of these believers fail to ask one important question: How can we know the exact date of the End Of Everything when we can't predict tomorrow's weather accurately?
Maybe P.T. Barnum was right after all . . .
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Top-level comments on this article: (3 total)Michael, very good. Thanks for the laughs, too. I wish I had been in line at the market. I loved that! LOL And I rolled my eyes at the two political ones. I never understood why people got mad when politicians lied to them, either! Duh! Gallagher would love to have these! Great job!Thanks. I actually had a gallon of milk and a bunch of bananas while in line, and I counted the bananas to make sure I could go through the express line. Geez, the things we think about, right? Thanks for reading and commenting.
Michael...this is FUNNY! This article was fantastic from start to finish. And I think I know why people accept a lying politician- then they can lie with impunity.Anyway, awesome piece. Keep up the good work!Good point. Thanks very much for reading. I appreciate it.
Great article!I imagine vegetarians feed their dogs normal dog-food. As long as they resist the temptation to eat a little of it themselves they've maintained their vegetarianism just fine ;-)As for 6, we do know how to fly. Step one is usually "buy a plane ticket"!I thought about the normal dog food thing, yet as rabid (no pun intended) as vegans and vegetarians are, I thought for sure they would go the meatless route. Thanks for commenting.
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