Swine Denies Involvement In Outbreak: The BBC Interview
Posted: Tuesday, April 28, 2009
by Michael Ramzy
delusionthread.com
The following is an excerpt from the extraordinary interview of a pig on BBC. If you missed it, you surely live in a cave. This interview is remarkable in its directness and hard-hitting journalism, something not seen in America that often.
So, without further delay, here we go:
So, without further delay, here we go:
BBC: So what you are saying is that you had no part in this outbreak whatsoever.
Pig: Right.Pig: It isn't a pandemic yet, is it?
BBC: Well it might as well be. Still, you had -
Pig: Well, I might as well have wings and fly, but I don't.
BBC: I don't understand.
Pig: Call it what it is, that's all I'm saying. And don't call it what it isn't.
BBC: Oh, I see.
Pig: You've been watching too much American television reporting.
BBC: I have?
Pig: Sure. Jumping to conclusions, distorting the facts. You have all of the symptoms.
BBC: Speaking of symptoms, why do you think it's called swine flu?
Pig: I don't know. Perhaps one of us contracted some variation at some point. Probably that one little piggy who went to market.
BBC: Which market?
Pig: What does that matter?
BBC: It might help us contact Patient Zero.
Pig: Um . . . I don't think so.
BBC: But why? Don't you want to help get a handle on this?
Pig: Not particularly.
BBC: But why?
Pig: I'm just a side of bacon to you, aren't I?
BBC: No, of course not.
Pig: What, you don't eat pork?
BBC: Well . . .
Pig: What are you, one of those Muslims?
BBC: No, of course not.
Pig: Why do you say 'of course not'? Why so prejudiced?
BBC: I'm not, it's just . . . well, I'm British.
Pig: Poor guy.
BBC: Why do you say that?
Pig: No empire any longer, right? Must be hard for you to adjust to being just some people living on an island.
BBC: Well, we still have Canada and Australia. Not technically, but they are still considered royal subjects.
Pig: Good luck with that.
BBC: Back to the swine flu: Do you know it's now been found in New Zealand and Israel?
Pig: I heard that. Pretty ironic, actually.
BBC: Why?
Pig: Well, the people of Israel don't eat pork, right?
BBC: Right.
Pig: And yet they have this swine flu. Kind of weird.
BBC: But you still haven't told me why you think you had nothing to do with it.
Pig: I don't think, I know. How could we as a species give you humans this disease? Seriously. Do you think we all got together and decided to get back at you?
BBC: Get back at us?
Pig: You don't eat any pork? Sausage, ham . . . spam?
BBC: Spam isn't really pork.
Pig: Close enough.
BBC: So you pigs got together and decided to fight back, is that it?
Pig: No, that's wrong. That's not what I said.
BBC: Seems to be exactly what you said.
Pig: You're showing those symptoms again. You've been watching too much CNN.
BBC: I'm British, I don't watch CNN.
Pig: SkyNews, then. Still, your symptoms are showing.
BBC: I need a quote from you before I go.
Pig: "A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush."
BBC: What does that have to do with anything?
Pig: That's a quote.
BBC: No, I need you to say something about what we've been talking about. On the record. For the books, as it were.
Pig: Like what?
BBC: An official denial, perhaps.
Pig: "We had nothing to do with this." How's that?
BBC: Thank you. Reporting live, where my guest has not ruled out that he or his kind have in fact started this whole affair, I give it back to you in the studio.
Pig: I didn't say that at all.
BBC: Close enough, though.
Pig: You really need to be looked at: your symptoms are showing again . . .
This Article has been viewed 1,904 times. (Not updated in real-time.)
Top-level comments on this article: (6 total)Mike,I'm sitting in my cave laughing. Thanks for the update.
You're welcome. Geez, I hope no one thought this was a real interview! Thanks for reading and the comments.
This was not a skit? What a GREAT piece!! Awesome!!!
I wrote in on the fly and really thought it would end up in Searchwarp obscurity. Go figure. My main goal was to crack myself up with all of the swine flu 'news alerts' and experts saying it's not a pandemic, not as bad as it could be, etc. Then, in the same breath, the sense of 'head for the hills!'.Thanks Ken, as always.
I couldn't help but laught as my husband and I were just having a similiar conversation about how the media can distort things. We decided not to put the pork ribs away and eat them at dinner tonite. We are going to chance it since the pig denied it. LOLThanks for the article.MichelleBut did the pig really deny it? He sounded too . . . smug, to be honest.Thanks for reading and your kind words.
Wonderful sense of humor. Thoroughly enjoyed it. Thank you for sharing.Linda DThanks for reading and sharing a laugh.
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