That Rare Common Courtesy
Posted: Wednesday, May 13, 2009
by Michael Ramzy
delusionthread.com
We are one nation. We should really start to act as one.
Today
is another beautiful day in America and I had the pleasure of standing in line at the grocery store listening to the man in front of me rant and rave because he couldn't use his expired coupon. It seems it wasn't his fault for not reading the expiration date, it was the fault of the grocery store for not making an 'exception'. This wasn't a $50 coupon or anything which any one of us would complain about, it was for . . . are you ready? Twenty-five cents.
I stood in line and watched and listened and I give a great deal of credit to the poor clerk who had to deal with this customer. He didn't fire back until after the customer was gone, then he looked as though he was going to cry. I told him not to worry, for every customer such as that, there are several more who are nice and courteous.
Aren't there?
Sure. And yet, we as a nation are sometimes in such a hurry (why, I still do not know) we forget the simple things, like courtesy and kindness. I sometimes find myself in a hurry until I realize the world will not end if I don't do this or that right now, and that calms me down. For many of us, though, the world will end and life will be over if we don't do whatever we have to do right now.
So. What to do? I'm glad you asked. I am by no means an expert, yet how about this:
At A Restaurant
If you have to wait in line for a table or have to have something recooked, don't make a big deal out of it. First of all, it really isn't a big deal, no matter how much you convince yourself otherwise. And second, the people you are going to scream at really don't get paid enough to hear outbursts from a customer about their coffee being too cold, or their soup, or their sandwich not cut just right. And finally, from a customer service standpoint, they really don't want to hear it. Sure, they want to make you happy, but yelling or surliness is not a way to good service.
In Your Car
Someone cuts you off, don't chase him and try to run him off the road. I know, the temptation is there all of the time, especially here in Austin, where it seems you are given a blindfold instead of a license. Still, think of what you are all about and who you are, and let that lane-cutter or tail-gater have it another way: ignore him and move on to what is really important.
In A Discussion
Someone says something that makes your blood boil, don't call them an idiot. I know, as with the driving, the temptation is there. Let them speak their piece, then get them with facts and strong arguments. Don't resort to name-calling and don't shake your head and say, 'I just don't understand you because I cannot understand morons'. You really do understand them, you just don't know why they think opposite of the way you think. If you can't convince them with words, check your premises and make sure you really know what you know. And then, after everything, chaulk it up to an 'agree to disagree' point and move on to something else.
We all know the golden rule, of course, and we all wish everyone would treat us as we treat them. The first step, though, is to make sure you are living up to your part of that rule. Regardless of circumstance, courtesy is an open door which allows everything, and anger is a locked gate which allows nothing.
We are one nation, remember. Let's act like it.
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Top-level comments on this article: (6 total)hi michael,i live by the question, "How important is it?"is it more important for me to be right about the shade of red a rose is, or just let it go and be happy?i understand your position very well.my mother used to say, "you'll catch more flies with honey."i enjoyed your article,thank you,my best,sueThanks so much for that. I appreciate it very much.
Good article Mike, I try to be courteous to everyone, it's hard sometimes, but what can we do but put up with all the madness going on all around us.I guess I'm hopelessly idealistic when I think whatever madness is going on around us, we can and should still take the time. I don't treat strangers as long-lost friends, yet common courtesy dictates I should return a 'good morning' and should say 'thank you'. It's always the little things which make all of the difference. Thanks for reading and commenting.
Great stuff, Michael. What a world it would be if folks would heed your advice.But, like you said, make sure "you are living up to your part of that rule."How true, Ken. That is the part that is most important, for if we live up to our end, that's half the battle right there. Thanks.
Hey Michael, I'm a big fan of the 'Golden Rule'. It would be a wonderful world if everyone followed your advice. One day, one person, one step at a time right? Thanks for attempting to make a difference, and hopefully your article will do just that.I'm always hopeful. Thanks for reading and commenting.
Mike,As a former hot head (Yes, when I was much younger, I'd not only race after the person but get them to step out of their car--phew!), I know what's it's not worth. Now I consider the long term consequences, like the guy in the car may have a gun and I'm dead for some stupid little incident (a friend of mine in Boston used to wave his at people who gave him crap--lovely, yes?).But when I was in Vegas the summer of 2007 proudly wearing my Red Sox hat and t-shirt and someone (probably a jealous Angles fan) yelled, "Red Sox suck!" I calmly replied, "No they don't" which was confirmed when they won the World Series later that year.When I've cleaned my windshield on the highway in Los Angeles I've had people from way behind me pull right in front of me to do the same. When going 70 in the middle lane, I've had people pull by me all upset, showing their displeasure. When I was driving to work one day while living in Boston, I pulled into traffic and someone took exception to my being on the road and literally stopped in front of me in rush hour traffic to give me the bird. When I've walked on college campuses I've had students rushing to wherever nearly crush my toes without apology. And the list goes on.There will always be the rude, those young who learn later not to be rude and the the lifer rudes, but we can only do our part. And if we do, we save ourselves from unnecessarily building up toxic angst in our worlds. Thanks for the article.And thanks for the comments. I know there will always be rudeness and I also know there will always be those who take pleasure in being rude to others. Sometimes I find myself wondering what would happen to those people if everyone treated them with the same level of rudeness. Would they wake up and be a little more courteous? Or would they continue on their path of self-inflicted pain? Thanks for reading.
Hi, Michael, your title drew me in. We do need all of the rare common courtesy all the time. This was a much-needed article with strong reminder and advice. The real life example that made your opening point was, sadly, also an example of what happens too often. On the other hand, people are experiencing increasing frustration. That man may have gone home and wondered what in the world he was thinking! However, the damage was done, and that may have occurred to him, too. We need more patience with each other, for sure. Good article.Thanks. Patience is the key, and many mistake patience for weakness. That, coupled with the inherent speed of life we (falsely) feel, and rudeness prevails. We are all human, and we are all here for our own purpose. Having said that, I wonder how someone not accepting a coupon is preventing living life to the fullest? Thanks again.
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