'Tis The Season All Right: Retailers Reel From Goofy Shoppers
Posted: Sunday, December 06, 2009
by Michael Ramzy
delusionthread.com
Another beautiful day in America and here in Austin we had snow yesterday! The entire city was
prepared, all of the trucks were ready with salt and sand, the drivers were instructed to leave their otherwise requisite blindfolds at home . . . and then, after around five minutes, the sun came out.
Such is life.
The snow didn't stop the shoppers as they were out in full force looking for deals and bargains. Apparently the snow did afflict the shoppers, however, as they seemed a little goofier than normal. Here are a few examples.
1) A older woman goes into a drug store and approaches the cosmetics counter. "I'm looking for something to make me look younger," she says to the cosmetician. Without missing a beat, the cosmetician answers: "We don't carry time machines, ma'am."
2) A woman approaches the manager of a drug store with a coupon and a bottle of shampoo. "The cashier says I can't use this coupon for this shampoo," she says, thrusting the coupon into the manager's hand. He looks at it and sees it is from an ad three weeks earlier. "This is expired, ma'am," the manager says. "So?" the woman says, "You shouldn't put time limits on coupons." The manager hears this daily, so he has his prepared line all ready to go: "You're right, we shouldn't. No one should, actually." The woman looks at him with a gleam in her eye. "Then you'll accept this?" The manager hands the coupon back to the customer. "No, I'm afraid not. It won't scan if it's expired, ma'am." The customer walks away, shaking her head at the injustice of not saving 33 cents on a bottle of shampoo. The manager, as all managers perhaps, wishes the company would just lower all of the prices and do away with coupons and specials.
3) A young couple place a package of condoms on the checkout counter, and the cashier scans the package. "Twelve dollars," she says. The girl opens her purse and the man picks up the package and looks at the back. "Hey," he says, getting the cashier's attention. "These don't come with a guarantee?"
4) A shopper takes a break from shopping and decides to stop in at the food court. There is a small kiosk selling Middle-Eastern food. The advertised special is the 50-50 kebab. "What's the 50-50?" the shopper asks. "It's two kinds of meat," is the reply. "Sure, okay," the shopper says. "But what kinds of meat?" The man behind the counter looks at the shopper and smiles. "Half cow and half camel."
5) The mall parking lot is completely full, and so an enterprising young man decides to park in the handicap spot at the front of the lot. There is a security guard sitting (dozing) in his kiosk, and as the young man walks by the security guard wakes and stops him. "You can't park there, buddy." The young man smiles and reaches into his back pocket. The security guard tenses until he realizes the young man is only pulling out a piece of paper. "What's that?" the guard asks. The young man hands the paper to the guard and walks past. Over his shoulder he says this: "My report card."
You might ask yourself if any of the above examples actually happened.
That, fellow readers and writers, is a very good question.
Enough said: happy shopping!
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Top-level comments on this article: (6 total)Very funny Michael. Thanks for starting my morning off with a laugh.Thanks very much. I have to laugh at myself sometimes. Well, most of the time.
Hi Michael.I can see some of these happening. Thanks for the chuckles.DianneI can too. And I have seen three of the five above first-hand. Thanks for reading and commenting, as always.
Great imagination or not... I don't envy you this season for sure! MarijoIt's not as bad as people think, at least not for me since I realize people are generally nice and they just go nuts this time of year. Of course, that doesn't stop the loonies! Thanks for stopping by.
I worked in retail for many a year when I was younger. The things I saw and heard not only from the customers but employees would make your eyes tear--sometimes in laugher, sometimes from pain. I especially like the time machine comment. That's funny. Thanks Mike.Thanks for the read/write. I appreciate it. And yes, the 'we don't carry time machines' should be posted in many cosmetic departments.
Michael, what a tension release :-) Thanks for the laugh, I can see these things happening for sure! Happy shopping and many blessings to you! TeresaThank you. I hate shopping normally, and this time of year especially. Of course, I will still have to do it . . . c'est la vivre.
Funny article Mike--thanks--camel meat, love it!Actually I originally came up with the 50-50 as half camel, half cat, but I thought that would be a little too . . . intense. Thanks as always for reading and writing.
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