Locked, Loaded And Ordering Frappachino!
Posted: Thursday, March 11, 2010
by Michael Ramzy
delusionthread.com
I usually say it's 'a beautiful day in America', yet today it truly is: the weather is warm and sunny, I have a few days off, and I am on day 3 of my 'Ignore Politics' week. I know, it's hard to ignore since everywhere you look we are bombarded with partisanship, yet I decided I needed a break. There is, after all, only so much health care, war, and accusations a human can take without becoming slightly afflicted by it all.
1) A man walks into a Starbucks and sits down. He has a gun in a holster. He orders a Large coffee.
"You mean Venti?" the barista asks slowly, noticing the gun.
"I mean Large. This is America, dammit, and I don't speak foreign." The man puts his hand on his holster for no reason, yet the barista yelps and jumps back.
"Don't shoot!" she cries, alerting the other baristas. Some of the patrons hear and, packing guns themselves, stand and reach for their weapons.
"I'm not gonna shoot," the man says, "I just want regular coffee." Being Texan, he pronouces it cawfee.
"Step away, sir," the man hears suddenly. He turns and notices all of the patrons have their weapons out and pointed at him. "Leave the lady alone." Of course, since it is Texas it would be 'leave the little lady alone.'
Since all of the patrons have their guns out and trained on him, the man has no choice. He reaches for his weapon and . . .
Well, we know what might happen.
2) A man walks into a bank and proceeds directly to the nearest teller. He has a gun in a holster. He informs the teller he needs to withdraw some money. He rests his hand on his holster for no apparent reason. The teller sees this and screams. The security guard on duty pulls his weapon and tells the man to back away. The man turns and says, "all I want is some money!". He doesn't back away, perhaps wondering what has called all of the fuss. Of course, in Texas we call it ruckus.
The security guard has to make a decision right then, so he . . .
Well, we know what might happen.
These are two short scenarios which, objectively, probably won't happen since gun owners are an intelligent lot and since here in Texas we pretty much give everyone the benefit of the doubt. Still, it kind of makes you wonder . . .
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Top-level comments on this article: (6 total)Great article my man! As you know "pard' I live in Texas too, out in the middle of nowhere on eighty five acres, surrounded by thousand acre ranches. Janet and I feed the deer all year round, so that our neighbors can shoot them during hunting season, and even not during hunting season, they don't care. Ah well.
And we don't own a gun. Why would we own a gun, even out here in the middle of Texas ranch country? Guns are designed for one thing - killing. The first Buddhist precept is non harming and non killing. Even deer value their lives, how could we be that heartless that we would end their lives for our amusement? We're not that destitute that we need the deer meat! And neither are our thousand acre rancher neighbors. When you kill something, something dies inside. Call it karma or guilt, it is there and although covered up by stupidity, ignorance, and narcissistic exuberance, it will come back to haunt you, guaranteed, usually right at your last breath, catapulting your destiny into regions unspeakable. Just cannot believe the level of ignorance and stupidity that seems to be taking over our country. Big gun, big man? Or, Big gun, insecure little man?
Thanks for the article..........eMust be nice to live outside of city life . . .I wrote this originally as a comedy, and yet someone I know called me last night and said I was 'anti-gun'. I told him I wasn't, I was just writing a little humor into the situation of the carry laws. I kind of convinced him it was all in fun, but he thought the last line - about those who carry guns are too intelligent - was a shot (pun intended). I told him it wasn't, that those who carry guns are hopefully intelligent, otherwise the scenarios I listed would happen.Anyway, guns or no guns, seems we can't get away from them. Thanks for stopping by.
Well put together article. Not biased yet thought producing--in my opinion this type of article stands out as a superior piece.Thank you, sir. I try to be objective and with guns it's pretty easy since although I don't own a gun, I can understand the mentality of protecting the right to own one. I can also understand many people who are for gun rights don't actually own a gun, they just want the rights upheld. Too often these days if you're for something, you are labeled and chastised, and if you are against something, the same. Objectivity is what we should all strive for, which is not sitting on the fence: it's taking both sides of an argument and weighing each side according to the facts.Wow, I got off on a tangent there . . .Anyway, thanks very much for your comment. I really appreciate it.Well put...
Hi Michael.Arizona is working on an extension to the concealed carry of weapons law that would allow more leniency for a change of clothing (like putting on a jacket when it gets cooler that covers a firearm that was previously exposed). I'm not anti-gun, and I support the right of gun ownership, but I have to wonder at the wisdom of this.As it currently stands, in order to get a permit to carry a weapon (not only firearms) concealed, you have to take many hours of instruction and prove you can handle a firearm safely and shoot well. Your fingerprints must be on file with the local law enforcement as well. I think this is wise and I wouldn't mind it if all those who would like to own a firearm of any sort were required to pass a test. But then I suppose those who militantly support the right to own firearms would consider that to be a restriction.Thankfully, I think that your scenarios are very unlikely. Where I live, people openly wear firearms and there are probably more people carrying them concealed than I am aware of. Nothing like what you wrote has yet happened and most likely won't.A good and thought-provoking article,DianneI doubt the scenarios would happen as well since even back in the wild west these kinds of things never happened. Or at least, I hope not! Just makes you think that there's something else for us to consider. Thanks as always for writing.
What a hoot - drew me in totally with the title and I am not disappointed. Saw something interesting here in Colorado once - (mind you, my hubby and I shoot and hunt and have taken all the gun safety courses and I usually take my pistol when we are off in the middle of nowhere hiking but I would not pack one on my hip in the local restaurant or coffee shop...)We were at a buffet type restaurant. A very attractive blond gal was coming back from the buffet line with a plate full of food... some of the men were noticing her and trying to talk to her - she then pivoted and they got to see the pistol she was packing on her other hip. turned out she and her husband owned a local gun shop (the person who was eating with us knew her and her hubby) and they both always packed. Guess she was tired of men not only noticing her but pestering her when she went out. She was really attractive but very appropriately dressed - well, except (in my opinion) the pistol. GRINThanks for commenting. My original article was going to be a little story about a guy who pulls a gun on a barista for getting his coffee order wrong, and at the last minute I changed it to the more 'generic' scenarios. The original idea was hilarious (in my demented mind, anyway) yet I thought a little too much.I doubt these scenarios will happen, just a kind of funny (hopefully) 'what-if'. Thanks again for writing.
Gun deaths per 100,000 population (for the year indicated):>>>> Homicide Suicide Other (inc Accident)>>>>>>>> USA (2001) 3.98 5.92 0.36>>>> Italy (1997) 0.81 1.1 0.07>>>> Switzerland (1998) 0.50 5.8 0.10>>>> Canada (2002) 0.4 2.0 0.04>>>> Finland (2003) 0.35 4.45 0.10>>>> Australia (2001) 0.24 1.34 0.10>>>> France (2001) 0.21 3.4 0.49>>>> England/Wales (2002) 0.15 0.2 0.03>>>> Scotland (2002) 0.06 0.2 0.02>>>> Japan (2002) 0.02 0.04 0Statistics, as always, have a point of their own. Thanks for stopping by.
I thought your article was great Michael. I love your sense of humor. I personally don't care for guns but my husband goes to the gun club to shoot once in a while and enjoys it but he is not a hunter. Thanks for sharing your humor.And thank you. Sometimes my mind works in strange ways. Well, not sometimes, apparently. Thanks again.
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