I Don't Know, Officer: How Fast Were You Going?
Posted: Tuesday, July 12, 2011
by Michael Ramzy
delusionthread.com
I sat in my truck on the shoulder waiting for the officer to dismount from his motorcycle. The truck swayed a little as the traffic zipped past, oblivious to the 65mph speed-limit. I watched the officer get off his bike and had a strange thought: 'He probably rides a Harley. A cop riding a hog.' For some reason that cracked me up. 'Okay, oinker, let's get this over with', then screamed through my mind, and that made me laugh harder.
"What's so funny," I heard, then jumped a little as the officer was standing right outside of my window.
"Nothing," I said, clearing my throat. "Sorry."
"No, really, share it," the officer said, taking off his sunglasses. "I've had a horrible day."
Not exactly what you want to hear from an armed officer of the law, that's for sure. "You didn't shoot anyone today, did you?" I asked, without thinking. Apparently my brain goes batty when confronted by the law. Or as they say here in Texas, THE LAW.
"No," the officer said, chuckling. He took his pad out of his pocket and flipped it open. His little handheld computer was attached to the pad, which rendered the pad useless. Kind of made me wonder how much redundancy my tax dollars pay for. "No," he said again, then looked me right in the eye. "Not today."
I handed my license and insurance card over quickly. "Here you are, sir." I had the strange thought of his doing me right there on the side of the road. The cars zipping by wouldn't see anything, of course, since they were going so fast.
"Do you know how fast you were going back there?" the officer asked, not realizing the irony of asking me that as the cars and trucks zipped past. There was not one person on the road going close to the speed limit, that much I knew. Why it was my luck to be where I was is something for the Gods, I guess. Or perhaps the officer just flipped a coin.
"Um . . . too fast, I guess."
"Sixty-seven." He said the seven with emphasis. I could imagine him saying 'you killed nine people' with the same emphasis. And then, of course, gunfire.
"Wow." I said, watching him swipe my card on his little computer. He looked up and I quickly added, "too fast, I know."
"Sure," he said, handing my licence back. Apparently I wasn't a wanted felon. "Sign." He handed the handheld computer to me. I took the small stylus and scribbled my name.
"By the way," I asked, handing his computer back. "How did you pick me out of all of these cars zipping through here?"
"Flipped a coin," the officer said, putting his sunglasses back on.
"Oh," I said as he walked back to his bike. His hog. "My tax dollars at work," I muttered, then realized this was pretty much how my tax dollars always work: paying for gambles. Heads we raise the debt ceiling, Tails we act like babies and whine about how poor our rich are these days . . . Heads we go to war, Tails we just drop bombs. Heads we fix our roads, Tails we buy handheld computers with little notepads attached . . .
I waiting for the officer to climb on his bike and he seemed to just sit there. He fiddled around in his pants and withdrew something shiny. I watched him flip the coin, then take off after another unsuspecting speeder. I thought I heard him laughing as he buzzed past.
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Top-level comments on this article: (10 total)Michael, I just love your day in the life of stories - sorry about the ticket -too bad you can play heads or tails to determine if you are going to pay it. I wouldn't want to read a day in the life of with you in the pokey :-) Thanks for making this terrible event so amusing. Blessings! TeresaThanks, it pretty much wrote itself once I saw the flashing lights in the mirror. I appreciate the comments.
Man, you are funny....I would love to get inside your head. Keep posting I will always read your articles.
JillThanks for reading and the kind comments. I appreciate it.
This guy wrote you a ticket for going two over the limit? Must have been a young guy, or is that a Texas thing?It's probably a Texas thing, I don't know. Maybe he needed to make a quota. Thanks for stopping by, as always.
Yeah Mike, these cops should get themselves a real job. They would rather kiss ass then work like a jackass.I don't know, they serve the public. I just took exception to being singled out. Objectively, though, I was breaking the law. Just because others were also shouldn't matter. Thanks as always, sir.
Hi Michael.
I was stopped once by a cop for making an unsafe lane change when I was very young and still quite new to driving. I resolved never to again be stopped by a cop for any reason. The whole experience totally scared the ... you know ... out of me. I'm not nearly so unnerved by "authority" as I once was, but I'm still careful not to exceed the speed limit and to only make safe lane changes. :)
Sorry you got the ticket! I got off with a warning.
I did enjoy the story though. Just imagine if you'd told him what you found so funny!
Hugs,
DianneThanks, I got a warning also, even though I had to sign something. I'm not so wary of police here in America, but in the Middle East where I was raised, boy, that's something completely different! Thanks as always.
I heard his laughter from here!!
I read a story like this in Reader Digest once. When asked why HE was pulled over amongst the hundreds of others speeding, the cop replied:
"Ever go fishing?"
"Of course."
"Ever catch ALL the fish?"
I agree with Teresa. Your stories are always so entertaining, even when getting a ticket!
This was a great story! Thanks so much for sharing it!
Man, I hope you fought that one in court. At least to get the ticket reduced. :) I loved your story.
Excellent writing. I loved this! So much of life is a toss of the coin or a gamble. Great ending. (Well, except you got a ticket.)
Been there brother, about a month ago. I was going, according to the office, approximately 80 mph. On a good day, we'd all be fortunate if the majority of cars were going that speed on the highway. My speedometer read about 77 mph. And when I'm going 70, my usual speed limit, just a tick or two below my top speed, I find half the cars passing me in anger at my tortuous pace. So now I have to dish out some $250 because they needed more money for the policeman's ball, his last review didn't go so well, he woke up cranky, or just 'because.' Been there brother. Been there.
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